They say prayer covers a multitude of sins. Oh how I hope so - especially in the area of parenting. My second oldest, Chandler, turned eighteen last month. Eighteen. How is this possible? I have been pretty quiet (well, I have had lots to say, but haven't) on this milestone in our family. I understand more of Mary where scripture says she "pondered these things in her heart". I feel that is what I have been doing. Pondering. Storing up memories of the second time my heart split wide open with the birth of a son.
As a new mom, a scripture I prayed often over my boys was Luke 2:52. That God would help my sons grow as His son did: in wisdom, stature, and in favor with God and man. I have had the absolute gift of watching two of my sons grow into adulthood. I've watched as they both have publicly declared they believe Jesus to be the Son of God, be baptized as believers, and walk in a new life with Him. God has honored my prayers and let me see Him do it.
Side note: I know this is all the Lord's doing, because I am NOT that great of a parent. I'm selfish. I get cranky when I don't have enough sleep. I have hurt each of my children with my sarcastic tongue or my angry words. I have been silent when I should have encouraged. I have missed opportunities to speak Truth into their lives. And you know what? Every parent has done these things. None of us do everything perfectly, especially when it comes to our children. Yet God, who made us from dust, doesn't rely on me to be perfect. Whew! And I am pretty sure none of my mistakes take Him by surprise. Yet He hears the fervent prayers of this mom and answers them on behalf of her children.
I look at my eighteen year old. Really look at him. I see a kindness in his eyes when he speaks of special needs kids at his school. I listen to him and hear him talk about spiritual truths that he knows because he has been reading scripture. I watch him as he processes the ever-changing world around him with passion towards the injustices he sees towards the poor and weak. I am seeing Luke 2:52 fulfilled in his life. And I am undone by it all.
One smart thing I asked God for one day when my oldest boys were 4 and 2 was this: "Lord, slow me down. Stop me and write these images of my sons on my heart. Don't slow them down - because I love their zeal for life and all things that surround them at this age. But slow me down." He did. Quite literally at times I would be rushing to take them somewhere and I would find myself stopping in my tracks. I remember watching Chandler run as a toddler, with that Teletubby back pack that went from his neck to his knees almost. Running with his fists clenched, smile on his face, singing Veggie Tales at the top of his lungs... and I couldn't say anything past the lump in my throat, other than a whispered "thank you" to God for letting me slow down and notice the beauty of it all.
God gave me another moment this past weekend while on college visits to Nashville with Chandler. It was just the two of us, rare these days. Chandler brought his music for us to listen to and on it was the Prince of Egypt soundtrack. The song "Seeing life through heaven's eyes" - him singing it with his man-voice bellowing out the truth... I am taken back to him sitting in my lap, watching the movie with him. He's a toddler and singing every word of every song. I am trying not to let him see the tears because how do I explain? Roaring through my head, I hear: "The Mighty One has done great things for me - Holy is His name. His mercy extends to those who fear Him, from generation to generation..."
It's the song of another mother, from years ago, and it makes sense to me - God is. He just is. He is everything. He knows my name. I am reminded it is not about me, but about Him. So this knot in my chest over "releasing my son into the world" unwraps itself from my heart. I remember Chandler is not mine to release in the first place. Once again, God makes me slow down and enjoy this time with my son. And He is gracious enough to write these things on my heart.
As Chandler prepares to leave home for college, I find myself humming this song from Prince of Egypt that he loves, and praying it sinks in:
A single thread in a tapestry though its color brightly shines
Can never see its purpose in the pattern of the grand design
And the stone that sits on the very top of the mountain's mighty face
Does it think it's more important than the stones that form the base?
So how can you see what your life is worth
Or where your value lies?
You can never see through the eyes of man
You must look at your life through heaven's eyes
So how do you measure the worth of a man
In wealth or strength or size?
In how much he gained or how much he gave? The answer will come to him who tries
To look at his life through heaven's eyes
No life can escape being blown about
By the winds of change and chance
And though you never know all the steps
You must learn to join the dance
So how do you judge what a man is worth
By what he builds or buys?
You can never see with your eyes on earth Look at your life through heaven's eyes
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